It all started with anxiety.
I was tormented with anxiety, sleeplessness and nightfrights since the age of eight, after my parents’ divorce was finalized, and I moved to Hong Kong to live with my father and his new family.
I was a sensitive child with big feelings and a very vivid imagination. I loved drawing and talking to my imaginary friends (later I would learn that these were my Spirit Guides). I would lie awake at night wondering why certain people did or said certain things, and what happened after you died.
I experienced many life-changing events before the age of 14, some of them traumatic ones. I would always dread what was around the corner. Especially when I was feeling happy. I didn’t feel safe – I was just waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Scared and anxious, I would try to clutch onto anything and anyone that seemed to provide any semblance of grounding and security. But these were always people and things outside of myself.
This pattern continued well into my 20s. It was also then that I started numbing out with alcohol and drugs. I hit rock bottom at age 27. I was on a self-destructive path, and slowly withering away. I felt like a hollow shell.
Despite feeling like a basket case, friends and family would often turn to me for advice or for a comforting talk when something was on their mind. Helpful words would flow out, and it sometimes felt like they were not mine.
Around this same time, a friend lent me a copy of The Celestine Prophecy. He told me that he felt I should read it. Little did I know at the time that this book would be my saving grace. I am forever grateful.
I read the book, and somewhere deep within me, something clicked into place. One night, I had a series of horrific nightfrights and woke up in a cold sweat. My entire body was shaking and I was terrified. I didn’t want to live like this anymore. My spirit was dying. I looked down at my hands and saw a soft glowing light enveloping them, just as described in The Celestine Prophecy. Something about seeing that light touched me deeply. It dawned on me that I
wasn’t just this body that I had been dragging around like a suitcase. I wasn’t just this head full of chattering and critical thoughts. I was made of light, and connected to a power greater than myself.
I started sobbing and realized that this whole time I thought I had been abandoned by the Divine, had actually been me turning my back on the Divine. I had disconnected. I immediately started praying to Kwan Yin and declared to her and myself that I was making the choice to live. I asked her to guide me on my path. No more self destruction.
I have always felt a very strong connection to Kwan Yin since I was a child. My father, grandmother, and Chinese relatives all worshipped her. Besides my love for Kwan Yin, the Goddess of Mercy, I also inherited intuitive and psychic abilities from my Chinese side of the family. My grandmother was a practicing medium for some years, and
my aunts and uncles could sense and communicate with deceased loved ones and spirits, but no
one talked about it much.
Being so open and sensitive to energies could be overwhelming, and by the time I hit my 20s, with all the anxiety and turmoil, I had shut them down. Until that night. Once I turned to the Divine for help, I was guided towards action. The message that kept repeating was to go exercise. To get back into my body.
I found yoga. To be more accurate – yoga found me. I felt awkward and out of place in class, painfully aware of how extremely stiff and tense I was. However, I stuck with it, because I had never experienced such calm and relaxation before. Yoga was life changing for me. It helped me reconnect my spirit to my mind and body, and reawakened my intuitive abilities.
Yoga was so effective at easing my anxiety that I wanted to share it with the world. I enrolled in a yoga teacher training program, and after six months of assistant teaching, became a full-time yoga teacher in Shanghai.
I thought that I had found my calling. Two years in, just when I was in top form and regularly filling 40 people classes, I injured my hamstring, which was followed by a year of the most painful sciatica.
The pain was terrible – radiating and gripping and unpredictable. I went to get x-rays but nothing looked out of place. Doctors couldn’t figure out what was wrong. The Universe had other plans for me. This led me to seek alternative forms of treatment. I went to see a Reiki practitioner, a chiropractor who had meditated all around India for 20 years, a shaman, and Hand Analyst who specialized in Life Purpose readings. They all told me the same thing:
You are here to help others using your intuitive abilities. Why aren’t you doing it?
By this time, I knew better than to argue with the Universe, and so I surrendered. I asked the Divine to lead me.
I was guided to certain teachers, courses and books. One of the earliest books I read was The Psychic Pathway by Sonia Choquette. I dove in headfirst and began exploring my gifts. In the book, Sonia talked about the difference between pushing the car and driving the car. I began to learn how to have control of my intuitive abilities, and not the other way around. I also learned how to apply them to everyday life.
Tuning into my intuition reconnected me to the Divine in an intimate way – through Spirit Guides and synchronicities – and completely shifted how I perceived life. It didn’t feel like a terrible struggle any more. I stopped waiting for the shoe to drop. I felt guided at all times, and like an active participant that was here for a purpose. I learned to navigate life changes with faith and grace. Life started to feel magical.
I experimented with the new concepts I learned and recorded my findings in journals. I loved sharing them with friends and family. And like before, friends and family would come to me for advice. This time, however, I would connect to their Guides, and relay the information to them. I witnessed how reconnecting to their Soul Agendas and inner guidance would have a calming and uplifting effect. And then I knew that this was my life purpose and a big part of my Soul Agenda.
I would now like to share all I have learned and experienced with you.